I LIVE IN DARKNESS

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I Live in Darkness
Van Turner, 2006


There is a darkness that lives in me
It hides behind my eyes
It hovers near the surface
My face lies to the world


I sometimes feel it welling up inside my soul
Sometimes it comes out
It has many faces of its own
They all look like me


It shows itself in many forms
As tears
As hatred
As anger
As fear


Most of the time it is just emptiness
A feeling of loss
Of being lost
It comes out at random


I feel trapped
The walls start closing in
It’s hard to breathe
My heart races
I try to fight it
I start to shake
I can’t let it show


Sitting in the car I scream out
Sitting in the house I cry
I don’t know who I am anymore
I’ve become cold, not caring
Emotion feels false
Love
Happiness
Sometimes the darkness is triggered
A song
Something on TV
A memory
All is lost


I have no patience
I want to die
I want to kill
I am already dead


My faith is shattered
Nothing matters
I can’t make myself care


I want to be whole again
I want to live in the light
I want to go home

 

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